today, february 15, holds wonderful memories... 28 years ago, david richard gutierrez was born into our family. this morning i visited his grave in the pouring rain (how fitting for my sorrow). i'm really not much of a grave-visitor; but somehow, i find myself drawn there a couple times a year. i can cry and talk and pray about whatever i want. i know i can do that anywhere, but there's a freedom there at david's headstone (which mandy and katie so lovingly designed).
today i "told him" about our 2 brians—katie's husband and mandy's boyfriend—and how much he would have loved them both; i told him about our sweet sophie, katie & brian's 2-month old baby and how he would love her and rub her cheeks. i told him about our new church plant, cpc millbrae, and how he would love it, and our campus pastor rob, and how he would love him.
mostly i told him how much i loved him and miss him. i miss my buddy and his handsome face, his mischevious smile, and his quick wit. i miss his "hey mom..." and his "thanks, mom". I miss doing the crossword puzzle and the jumble with him. i miss watching him play basketball. i miss making organic bread from scratch and health shakes and organic vegetarian dinners. (fred and the girls still tease me about the enchanted broccoli forest—i thought it was yummy!) i miss his twinkly eyes and dear smile. i miss his love of life; how he wanted to run everywhere, and everything was a competition. i miss his love for his friends and family, and his (rare) hugs!
i don't miss watching him suffer. i don't miss his limp. i don't miss his pain. but if he was still here, i would care for him gladly!
so today i rejoiced, too. i rejoiced that dave loved Jesus. i rejoice that he's in heaven. i rejoice that he's healthy... no more cancer, no more pain, no more sugeries. i rejoice that he already got to meet Jesus in person. and i rejoice that i get to join him one day.
today's sermon was on the 5th commandment: honor your father and mother... wow!
7 comments:
wow, my eyes welled up with tears as I read that...both of joy in that I'll meet David one day, but also of sorrow for the pain that is still very real and I also reflected on my own kids and I don't know if I could handle my kids going through that. anyway, thanks for sharing, love you!
Thanks for letting me read your blog. I can truly see your tender mother's heart and know much more the feelings and thoughts you are going through. It makes me want to appreciate and love those around me more, since we are not guaranteed tomorrow.
I can't wait to meet David. I know he will give me such a unique and wonderful perspective of you!
I love you my friend.
Julie J
So well written that I was there with you at the grave site, I saw you and David interacting at your house, mother and son, and I wish I had known him and could have seen you with your boy. But, I will. Someday I will. Love you, Janet.
thank you, each of my dear friends! you have blessed my life and i can't wait to introduce each of you to our boy. he's gonna love you!
Auntie Janet,
That was beautiful. As I sat here and read this post I was completely overwhelmed with emotions. I miss David too so much I think about him all the time, at the same time I am also so happy he is not suffering anymore and that he is waiting for us all. Having a new baby now I could only imagine what you must have expierenced and how hard it was and still is. I love you and Uncle Fred so much and I want you to know every year I pray for both on his birthday because I know it must be extremely hard.
Thank you for this post you are remarkable!!
I miss him too Aunt Janet.
Love,
Eric
way to make my eyes water. love you.
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